"So here's a list of your contacts that I printed out from your Linkedin profile and a pen. Check off the names of the people that you think I should go talk to."
Huh?
Haven't you heard of social lube?
Social lube. That's a funny way to start this post, but that was the first thought that entered my mind. But before I get ranty, let's go back to the beginning. The week before, I received a cold call from Richard, who we will call Dick. Dick was in the insurance business and was trying to develop relationships with people in Austin. I was not a potential client since I'm already insured enough to make Justin a happy widow, but I agree to meet Dick for coffee the next week to chat about his business, who he works with, and the kind of clients he's looking for. Dick is already seated when I arrive, we shake hands, he tells me his last name, reminds me what company he works with, and asks me how long I've been with IT Freedom. As I'm answering his question, Dick reaches in to his briefcase, pulls out a few sheets of paper and slides them to my side of the table. It was a print out of my Linkedin connections.
"So here's a list of your contacts that I printed out from your Linkedin profile and a pen. Check off the names of the people that you think I should go talk."
So, what IS social lube? Social lube is an integral part to business relationships. It's the process of building rapport and trust by getting to know the other person. Asking for referrals is a give and take situation, and can be a high pressure exchange since both parties are expected to deliver in some way. The referrer needs to trust that you will not act in a way that will tarnish their reputation. The referrer also needs to know who YOU are to qualify prospects and send referrals your way. Dick did neither of those things. And by ignoring the importance of social lube, I immediately saw Dick as a taker - someone that doesn't play fair, and a person that I need to protect my contacts from.
I have told a handful of people this story, one of the arguments that pop up are that I shouldn't have gotten my feathers ruffled since my Linkedin profile was on the web and free for the public to see. Public information or not, there is still a dance between the referrer and the person asking for referrals that has to take place. My point is that rapport and trust building must be part of the equation. Consider the scenarios below -
If someone that you're meeting for the first time like Dick came in to your office, grabbedyour rolodex off your desk, tossed it to you, and asked you to pull out the cards of peoplethat you thought he should talk to, would you do it?
Since I know your name and the county appraisal district is free for the public to search through, I can find out where you live. If I show up at your door and ask to come in, are you going to let me walk in the door?
My point is that relationships are built on trust, no matter the setting. Business relationships aren't any different. There is nothing wrong with leveraging another person's network or influence - as long as you have the permission to do so. Permission comes after rapport and trust has been established.
Just because I now know Dick's last name didn't mean that I trusted him enough to refer anyone in his direction. Honestly, if the meeting had gone well and he followed up with an email mentioning Linkedin, I would have been happier to oblige. But he didn't. Dick was all about him. Good thing I'm a nice person, I let him down respectfully.
"Well Dick, before I give out anyone's contact information, I ask them for their permission, so let me take this list back to the office and take a look at that."
A couple of days pass.
"Hi Dick, I apologize, but the people on that list either had an insurance policy in place, or weren't comfortable with me giving out their contact information. Best of luck!"
Be a person that people will be glad to know. Respect their time. Genuinely take an interest and care about who they are. Don't be a taker. And for god's sake, don't forget about social lube.
As always, play nice, use good judgement, and happy networking.
Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. Since 2009, I have made it a point to always be conscious of the good things and acknowledge them every year. Some years are harder than others to find things to be thankful for, but there is ALWAYS something to be thankful for. Here are just a few for me -
1) Family. They bring so much joy in to my life and I can always count on them to eat with, drink with, cry with, and laugh with. Grateful that there is a place that feels like home.
2) Friends. I am grateful to have found people that I can tell my deepest and darkest of secrets, and lucky to really know that they will never throw them back in my face. Thank you Javier, Alexia, Brenda, Wesley, Jenner, Aaron, Mike, James, Lesley, ML and Mindy for being the people that you are.
3) Justin. I have never felt more loved, adored, or supported by another human being, crooked toes and all. I am thankful that even doing something so simple as brushing our teeth together before bed is fun.
4) Resilience. I have learned to love the bad things that have happened in my life. I wouldn't be who I am without them, and has truly given me the gift of loving hard, living hard, and the confidence to know that I can land on my feet because I have already.
5) Clarity. Things aren't perfect. Decisions need to be made. Actions need to be taken. I am grateful that I know what I have to do to stay happy. I've found that often times, this is 66.66% of the battle.
6) Freedom. To have the luxury of pursuing the things that I love. To go to places that I want to go. To choose the job that brings me the most happiness. To be who I want to be. But there is no freedom without clarity.
7) Contentment. One of the hardest of states to achieve as a human. I used to have an adverse reaction to the word, but I now know the difference between contentment and complacency. Being content has allowed me to live and enjoy myself in life's great moments, instead of worrying and hurrying to the next thing.
Now, it's Saturday night, and I don't have anything to do except make a spicy sausage arrabiata, listen to Justin sing Keith Whitley, and polish off this bottle of Rioja. There are so many moments and people to be thankful for. Yes, including the bad ones. As one of my best friends would say, without the bitter baby, the sweet ain't as sweet.
Find someone that has positively impacted your life and thank them today. Happy Thanksgiving!
The Sustainable Food Center hosted their 5th biannual Chef Series dinner at La Condesa Sunday night, and it was such a treat! I have been dying to go to this series, but my calendar never cooperated in the past. As Justin and I we're wrapping up our afternoon of East Austin Studio Tour stops, Chelsea Staires called trying to unload her tickets. Chelsea and her husband Jerry were driving in from Houston and weren't going to be able to make it. We did have dinner plans, we were JUST walk out of Live Oak BBQ for a meaty snack, but how could we pass this up? It was 5:20 PM, cocktails started at 5:30, and seating for dinner was at 6:00 PM. We raced home, made a fifteen minute attempt at looking presentable, and walked in to La Condesa with two minutes to spare.
The Sustainable Food Center is one of my favorite nonprofits in Austin. They empower people to make healthy food choices and promote participation in the local food system through the local farmer's markets, and programs like The Happy Kitchen and Sprouting Healthy Kids. Their Chef Series is an incredible event that showcases the area's most talented chefs, creating dishes from locally sourced ingredients. As a foodie, an event with chefs of this caliber, one with a James Beard award, is a must attend.
It's always a gamble when you go to a dinner where you will be seated across from strangers. Will they like you? Will you like them? Is that five hours going to be awkward? Yes, you read that right. Five hours. We were whisked away to a four top where a couple already sat waiting. Maddie and Webb, foodie fanatics from San Antonio shook our hands and immediately, I was relieved. Webb talked Justin in to adding bee keeping to his list of ridiculous hobbies, Maddie just passed the bar and was specializing in oil and gas law, Justin just worked on an oil lease for the ranch, Webb's family are long time cattle ranchers, I used to work in commercial real estate, Webb is a commercial broker in San Antonio, both boys are dabbling in making their own beer, wine, and whiskey, we were all in Colorado at the same time seven weeks ago, and both couples were a house divided - the boys were Aggies and the girls were Longhorns. We really enjoyed their company and wished that they lived in town! We oohed and ashed over the menu and ate and sipped every bite.
On the menu
Todd Duplechan, Lenoir
persimmon salad, marinated seaweed, pine nut butter, chili
Overall, the meal was fanstastic! Dishes were perfectly timed, drinks always came first, and our dinner companions really made the meal. Our table loved the aperol aperitif, thought Tyson Cole's sous vide cobia was perfectly cooked, gobbled up Jason Donoho's amazingly succulent quail, lapped up Andrew MacArthur's whiskey concoction, debated what makes an egg coddled, cracked smoked water in to the duck consomme, and loved the savory pistachio dessert by soon to be open Uchi Houston's Monica Glenn. We were also incredibly impressed by how delicious each drink was, especially when they're being made for a hundred people. The only thing that didn't go over as well was the venison liver. It tasted good, but it was the texture that we couldn't get passed. Probably because it was raw.
For anyone that has ever debated going to the Chef Series, I would highly recommend it! I loved the anticipation of each course, not knowing what to expect, but confident that we were in capable hands. The five hours flew by and left me with names of farms that I will be looking up this weekend.
December is an amazing month for food. Eat Local Week benefiting SFC and Urban Roots starts Saturday, December 3rd. I encourage you to check out the eight events that are happening that week, discover the joys of being a locavore, and participate in our local food system. Oh, and for those that have never had Waco born Balcones Baby Blue Corn Whiskey, grab a bottle at Spec's. It's good stuff. Thank you Chelsea and Jerry Sun for the great evening. We owe you two an out of this world dinner.
*** Pardon the grainy photos, low light is a bitch.
We're back! The Lights. Camera. Help. film festival is the world's first film festival solely focused on nonprofit and cause driven film, and we are back for our third year. Beginning July 28th, this three day event will give films-for-a-cause the attention they deserve by screening them in a theater setting at The RGK Center for Philanthropy and Community Service at UT Austin, and The Spirit of Texas Theater at the Bob Bullock Museum. Join students, filmmakers, philanthropists, nonprofits, and their supporters for the film festival July 28th-30th by grabbing your tickets here.
So, what's there to see? Whatever your cause, there's a film for you. Check out each day's line-up below.
We are excited to say that the 2011 film's have been the best submitted yet, but why come to the festival? Your participation is the beginning of a trickle down effect of goodwill with real and lasting impact on the nonprofits featured. ALL of the festival proceeds go to the nonprofits that are featured in the winning films. For example, 2009 winner, Austin's own Art from the Streets, received $1,000 in festival prize money that provided the organization art supplies for four months. In addition, your film festival tickets gives you free access to our closing party at Cuatros, where our winners will be announced. Receive drink tickets courtesy of Paula's Texas Spirits and UV Vodka, appetizers like prosicutto wrapped asparagus, and a chance to mingle with fellow festival goers.
Lights. Camera. Help. has taken care of all the details for you. Parking is free at both screening venues and attendees have the option to travel school bus style, green, and longhorned to the closing party from the RGK Center courtesy of local company uShip.
I am a networking machine. Hitting a bare minimum of 4-5 events a week, it's a big part of my job. Since networking really means making friends on purpose, I am often shocked by the extremely inappropriate things that get said to me. As a woman, you're subject to men occasionally crossing the line, but some of the things that get said to me are so . . . .creative, that it's not possible for these men to see where the line is from where they're standing. I choose not to get upset when these offenses happen because if I did, I would be upset multiple times a day. So how am I dealing with it? By publishing a sample. Let's dive right in.
1)"I like you in white, it makes you look virginal."
2)"You have such big brown eyes." To get full effect, imagine a much older gentleman that I didn't know at the time brush the hair out of my face while he says that.
3)"So, is porn an accurate portrayal of Asians?"
4)"Your boobs are little, but that dress makes them look yummy."
5)"You have a face that men would love to corrupt." Leave my face alone.
6) I'm walking next to someone, cue their hand on my very low back. This happens ALL THE TIME. I thought it was common knowledge not to touch people you don't know?
7)"All the dresses you wear should be a lot shorter" You don't hear me commenting on your wardrobe choices!
8) "What was your name again, I was still looking at you when you said it." I'm pretty sure sight and hearing operate simultaneously.
9) Stop grabbing my ass!
10) I'm in the middle of answering a question that he asked me, I could tell he checked out of the conversation but still maintained eye contact. Then, he interrupts me. "I bet you're a lot of fun." And to keep it classy, proceeds to try to look down my shirt.
The sad part? That's just stuff from the last week. Look, I'm not a crazy feminist. I choose the battles that I want to fight. I DON'T think that men are terrible. I think some of them definitely think they can get away with saying the things that they have said. That won't change. I choose to walk away because my reaction is the only thing that I can control. I can be a little sassy and I like to joke and have fun. I'm not telling you not to be playful, but the line that runs between fun and creepy is not that fine. I firmly believe that the men that I am friends with have enough respect for me not to talk to me this way, and if I am STILL friends with you, then you haven't crossed that extreme line. But I'm not talking about my friends. I'm talking about very professional settings. If networking means making business friends on purpose, talking to me like the above will NOT make me like you.
And in case you were wondering, hell no, I'm not referring people to you. Oh, you want to leverage MY network because YOU'RE out of work? My deaf dog will hear before I help you find a job.
Play nice, use good judgment, and happy networking.
